Letting go, accepting, and manifesting change…at first glance, these three personal development concepts seem contradictory.
But if you look at them more carefully, within the frame of your personal journey, then you will discover that they are in fact interrelated and necessary for your growth.
The first time I heard about “letting go” was from a friend I admired greatly and who became part of the growth journey I embarked upon in West Africa.
I was newly installed in Abidjan, Côte d’Ivoire, and it was my first experience living and working outside of my two home countries, Tunisia and France. Ready to explore and to absorb new things like a sponge, I was nevertheless fiercely sceptical and utterly suspicious. There was such a huge volume of new things to adapt to, and trying to create multiple changes in my personal belief system meant chaos.
I wanted so many things, so very badly — and I wanted them all at once! That’s when my friend used a metaphor that resonated deeply with me. Describing “letting go” as a state of mind, he explained to me that it is like sending a letter (to the universe or to God) with my dearest wishes.
Once the letter is posted, I can be sure it will be delivered. If I don’t receive a response or see my wishes materialize, it simply means that there is something else meant for me. It might even be better that what I had wished for! This is “acceptance”.
So, the idea is to send your letters, your wishes, without worrying about the result or response. I know, I know…this is easier said than done! But I can tell you from experience it gets easier with practice.
As I worked on letting go and accepting, I started observing myself and the events around me with a sense of detachment. Indeed, with practice, one feels increasingly detached from one’s emotions and desires.
But what about when you want to “manifest change”, both within you and around you?
The first step would be to practice discernment. What is the change I want? What is in my control? What is definitely not in my control that I should accept as a fact?
In other words, in order to move forward, we first need to stop (a seemingly contradictory act). This is the stage at which we observe, sort out, take ownership for that which is within our purview — and accept and let go of that which is beyond.
There is a saying in French, ce qui résiste persiste, meaning “what shows resistance is persistent”. Anything we continue to resist without thought, without examination, will continue to bother us and hold us back from acting meaningfully.
This is where coaching comes in. It can be instrumental in enabling us to pause and step back; shed light on areas of resistance, limiting beliefs, and unhealthy behaviours; and create self-awareness about what we can genuinely change.
Coaching can also help identify where the resistance is coming from: is it fear, is it lack of trust, is it the weight of habit? Through thought-provoking questions, the coach trains the coachee on letting go of and accepting things that cannot change, things that are part of the given context.
Remember, you don’t need to be alone in this journey. To discuss how coaching might help you, set up a call with me via my website. Let’s chat over a cup of tea or coffee!
